Today...

What did we do today?

It seems so far away.

I've been trying to drown myself in wine, and mostly succeeding.

This morning I managed to sleep later than usual, and woke up at quarter past seven.

Actually, I woke up around five, but managed to doze for longer. 5am is really boring, even in Paris.

My mother has this magical itinerary that she's finagled, and today was the Louvre! At least in the morning. There was a flea market I wanted to see, so we were going to do that in the afternoon.

So to the Louvre we went. Pretty much everything grocery store wise shuts down on Sunday, so NOTHING was open. Still, we walked over to the Louvre, and the line wasn't too long. About the same as when my mom and I went for late night (on Thursday, I think?).

The Mona Lisa was crowded. I don't like so many people. We arrived only about half an hour after it opened. It was a lot better on the late night. Not nearly so many people.

Here's a picture of the Mona Lisa, just to prove I've seen it.

You know what I think is stupid?

People who take pictures of famous things just to prove they've seen them.

It's only slightly less stupid than people who take pictures of themselves in front of famous things to prove they've seen them.

I mean...who really cares if you've seem them or not? Does it make you special?

I dunno. I've never really understood why the Mona Lisa was the shit. I mean, it's a good painting, sure. (I always thought she could do with a couple more eyebrows. )

(Maybe she and Frida Kahlo could share. There's enough to go around, n'est pas?)

AAAAAAAAANYWAY. Enough stupid Mona Lisa. Dad said the last time he saw the Mona Lisa the room was so full, and all the jostling...when mom and I went there on late night the crowd was only about three people deep, and loosely at that. It wasn't hard to get a good long look. If you're gonna go see the Mona Lisa, go first thing in the morning, or late on the late night.


Look at how stupid this line is! The entrance is on the side of the pyramid that's to the left!

That was at about 10:30am. Of course, I'm guessing, because there are no damned clocks in the Louvre.

NONE.

IT'S LIKE A FREAKIN' CASINO!

At least there are no people smoking up a storm and looking really depressed.

Unless you count the paintings.

Speaking of which...

HOLY SHIT BELLY FLOPPING JESUS!

You know, I have no idea why Jesus has three pairs of wings here.

I really don't know what's going on here.

My mom said she read about this painting, and it was Saint Mumblemumblemumble getting the stigmata from Jesus.

Personally, I'd get loose bowels if I saw a six winged Jesus trying to belly flop on me.

But what ever. I'm not a saint.


So we wandered off. The Mona Lisa was starting to fill up with tour groups, and I don't know what it is about Japanese tourists, but they poke me exactly the wrong way (generally). Standing too close, talking too loud, taking stupid pictures with stupid monuments with their stupid phones...

So we started to head toward the Dutch paintings. The Louvre has two Vermeers, of whom I am a particular fan (*COUGHCOUGHRembrantsucksCOUGHCOUGH*).

On the way, I happened to look up:

Does this remind anybody else of this comic?

CLICKY CLICKY SO NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!

Anybody?

I told my dad about the strip and he giggled behind his hand like a Japanese schoolgirl.

This was one panel of four that were supposed to depict the four elements. This was supposed to be 'air'.

Yeah, I don't really get it either.

But man...do I ever enjoy those pert man-buttocks and taut calves.

Mmmmmmmmm...

I'm pretty sure if these two were real men, they would not pay attention to my existance.

But no matter.

Here we see Jesus trying to impress the chicks by turning water into wine.

Unfortunately, this is one of Jesus' earliest attempts at miracles, and he's not very good at them yet. He only managed snakes.

How will he tell this hopeful broad that she will now have to drink a cup full of vipers?

Let's watch...

You know, I have this photo, but it's on the internal memory of my camera, and I can't get it off until I'm back in Canada...but it's this painting of this family, and ALL the children have Steve Buschemi eyes.

I'm not shitting you. It freaked me out so much I took a picture, and then realized I hadn't put my memory card back in.

Oh well. Later, I'll show.

Here's The Lacemaker, by Vermeer.

SEE?

SEE HOW SUPERIOR IT IS TO STUPID REMBRANT?

YOU SEE IT?

There were not a lot of people around the two Vermeers. Way less than I thought there'd be. Maybe it's just me, though.

The Lacemaker was way smaller than I thought it would be.

The Louvre also has The Astronomer, but I don't like that one so well.

I'm not even super keen on the Lacemaker, but I like Vermeer, so I thought I ought to go see it.

After Vermeer, and seeing this lovely little portrait of Anne of Cleves, we abandoned dad in the sculpture gallery (he wanted to draw naked ladies) and went to find the market.

I can't remember what the market was called. It was all the way on the end of the pink line.

So on we went.

It was...not what I expected. I expected the Canadian style flea market. Lots of garage sale stuff, imports, surplus goods, vintage stuff, used books...

This was ALL overstock. And shitty overstock. Some imports.

Did not like.

It was also in a...rougher area of Paris? Or perhaps I'm biased because I've been in cushy tourist areas.

But...there were a LOT of people trying to REALLY aggressively sell you things. Everywhere. Under bridges, on the sidewalk. They were trying to sell everything, and muttering and shaking their goods at you.

I do not like that at all.

Also, it was raining.

The upside to our trip was we found a covered antique market.

MAN.

Canadian antiques suck.

Parisian antiques...Oh my. Real art nouveau things, more art deco than you can shake a stick at....Lots of restoration, but who really cares about the restoration? NOT ME!

Oh, the variety...It was amazing. I was a-tremble. I didn't buy anything.

I was also getting hungry and cranky.

Mom offered to stop somewhere nearby, but I didn't want to be there anymore. I was wet and feeling very put upon, so we headed back into the core.

I found a sammich and a macaron, and we headed towards the Pantheon.

I will be quick on the Pantheon, because I am tired and want to go to sleep.

The Pantheon was first built as a church, then repurposed as a place of science, then repurposed as a church, and back and forth and back and forth. Right now it's a little of both. Mostly it's for science. It holds the giant pendulum that proves the earth spins around the sun. Or something.

It was something like a 22 metre pendulum. I KNOW RIGHT. Insane.

It also apparently tells the time.

Also, Joan of Arc is apparently buried here, and Voltaire, and Alexandre Dumas, and.........Marie Curie and her husband. And a few other notable people I am entirely forgetting.

The crypt was nice. Very clean. Not so much with the bones and stuff. More with the stone boxes.

Then after that mom and I popped over to Notre Dame to meet up with the old geezer, but we lost him. We took at look at the treasures of Notre Dame, which were reasonably impressive (WHOO!! PIECES OF THE ONE TRUE CROSS! YEAH!) then popped over to Notre Dame's crpyt.

Notre Dame's crypt was really just an exhibit of the old Roman walls underneath the building, but it was still cool, even though there were no dead bodies.

Unless you count my dad, whom we found among the Roman ruins.

After that...there was lots of wine, and now I'm going to sleep.

My feet hurt.